You Who Broke My Heart
6 Comments
July 5, 2008 – 7:30 am
popping..
10 years
you still have me thinking
what happened?
why?
after everything
i didn’t deserve it.
you showed me every possibilities
and every possible emotions.
you had me flying with you
and without a warning
so much so as a glance at me
you left flying higher
and i kept falling
not knowing what dropped me
you never looked back.
around this time
every year since you left
you get me in this pensive mode
it’s not as painful as
when i think about you
around the time we met
yes see, i had to think about you
twice every year.
that’s all what my sanity can take
perhaps a third will most likely
kill me.
No not death physically
but death emotionally
like 10 years ago…
remember that?!
it is your birthday today
do you care that i still remember?
do you know that i’m still alive?
i don’t even know if you’re still alive.
where are you?
are you dead?
this is not about me getting back to you
i’m way passed that.
this is me asking you why?
10 years
yet the deep empty hole
in the recesses of my heart never left.
you who broke my heart
you never answered my pathetic question.
why.
why?
why?!
What is this flutter?
Why am I feeling this queasy feeling in my stomach?
I shouldn't feel this but I am feeling,
this crazy tremulous feeling.
Heart pounding, head racing.
It is exciting.
It is confusing.
Heck, it is ...
around this time
every year since you left
you get me in this pensive mode
it's not as painful as
when i think about you
around the time we met
yes see, i had to think about you
twice every year.
that's all ...
Why indeed?
The months of February and May? Could I be so presumptious? LOL, Just kidding. Please don’t get offended.
It would be short of being insensate not to remember, I think. It may even make us less humane, after a fashion.
A thousand apologies, I know I promised to stay away. But I guess a miserable existence can sometimes drive us to do the unthinkable.
Would it surprise you to know that I accidentally found a picture of you earlier today? Albeit, a small one. Never knew I still had it. I guess it got stuck by itself inside the shelf. I was clearing out some old tomes, dusty and yellow with age, when I saw it wedged in a corner.
It’s unrealistic for us not to remember. The challenge is not to deny regret, but to allow its full expression. I am a part of your past as much as you are to mine. I know that is unacceptable to you, but it’s just simple fact.
Is it still too painful for us to even communicate?
After more than a decade, can’t we ever be friends, at least?
(Oh, and incidentally, I hate your new hair color. I never understood why women eschew their natural locks. Then again, I never understood women. LOL!)
Hi again.
hi much maligned
it is interesting that your reply sounded like i really knew you from my past. my heart almost jumped when i thought it was “you.” i wanted it to be you.
then as i re-read your note, you can’t be serious! you are only playing along! very clever. having a photo of me?! that is quite a shock!
unless your birthday happens to be july 5th, and you might have lived somewhere else (i no longer have ties to the philippines except from great friends in general santos city) and you happen to just slip away from me in 1998 withour warning– i wouldn’t dismiss this as mere prank but would pursue it relentlessly.
it is audacious of you to come forward like this but that’s the boon and bane of commenting in the internet, you can be anonymous and you can be anybody. you can even be that person in this poem- but i know in my heart it is not “you.”
nice try though. if i would trust my instinct, i would pass on this. i would like to have an exchange with you but i have enough friends and lately i have been really bad with them- not communicating as i should. i might as well be just as dead to them as the person in my poem probably thinks of me!
(oh, and incidentally, you obviously do not know much about women… never, never comment on a woman’s hair color- especially to a woman you don’t even know! and for all the world wide web to read?! what we do with our body or hair for that matter is our own business. it is best to keep those observations to yourself. that is a mistake… you would definitely turn off any women with that!)
thank you for making this entertaining. perhaps more will come forward and eventually i might encounter the person who broke my heart 10 years past, one day… here’s to hope. here’s to “you.”
Hi again. I guess you’ve chosen to forget. Lucky you.
And I also surmise by now, quite happily, that this poem was not about us. Thank goodness. (I thought the July posting was merely because you posted it this month, LOL!)And since it was a lyrical attempt, some creative license, perhaps?
Aww man, how presumptious of me indeed! ROFL!
But I was never one to lie. And I have no proclivity to start now, I’m afraid. Be that as it may, I will no longer bother you again (for the 2nd time, I might add). But this will surely be the last.
I just would like to offer to be your friend, again. But perhaps that’s still too much as well.
Lastly, the quip about your hair was my best attempt at a bit of humor, seeing how serious the missive was. I honestly don’t really care either way. Even my wife wears it like that sometimes. Such contrivances are just too much for my feeble mind anyway.
Take Care Mae. Regards again to your family.
Dan.
I guess my reply was removed summarilly.
I’m just gonna have to keep posting the same messafe then.
Hi again. I’ve tried submitting this twice already….
I see you’ve chosen to forget. Lucky you.
I also surmise by now that, quite happily, this poem/song/prose is not about us. Thank Goodness! (I guess I thought it was simply a July posting and that you used some creative license as well to make it seem more up to date)
Awww man, how presumtious of me indeed. ROFL!
My sincere apologies for that.
But I was never one to lie, and I have no proclivity to start now, I’m afraid. You may not wish to recognize who I am, that is your prerogative, and I should respect that. I will bother you no longer, for the second time, I might add, though this will surely be the last.
Truthfully, I did find a photo of you yesterday. It was one of your graduation portraits, it was even in black & white. And finding your blog is never difficult, all I had to do is remember the first one you had in Friendster.
All I wished to do is offer you my friendship, again. But I guess even that is too much.
And the last quip about your hair was my attempt at a bit of humor. Seeing how serious the missive had become. Honestly, I couldn’t care either way, even my wife wears it like that sometimes. (She sends her best, by the way). And, in any case, such contrivances are too much for my feeble brain to digest.
Take care Mae. Please extend my regards to your family.
Dan.
Pain when a loved one leaves hurts. It is something that never leaves, just becomes manageable. Decades later, it can be looked at again and with the benefit of those extra decades, one is able to see a lot more. One never forgets simply because its is part of who we have become.
Don’t deny it and don’t dwell on it. Acceptance is healing and questions will bring new avenues of exploration to be enjoyed and explored. One is never too old to explore
and grow!