Heart pounding, head racing.
It is exciting.
It is confusing.
Heck, it is nerve wracking!

I know this awful feeling.
The more I suppress, the more I feel.
The more I feel, the more I suffer.
But I wouldn’t. I couldn’t let it out.

Don’t know how long I can look
Don’t know how long I can resist
Don’t know how long I can play pretend
Until you’ll notice…

Please don’t ask me,
I won’t admit it.
Please don’t confront me,
I can’t deny it.

What is this flutter?
I know this flutter!
Foolish feelings, get over it.
Flutter, stop it!

F— I did it again.

you showed me every possibilities
and every possible emotions.
you had me flying with you
and without a warning
so much so as a glance at me

you left flying higher
and i kept falling
not knowing what dropped me
you never looked back.

around this time
every year since you left
you get me in this pensive mode
it’s not as painful as
when i think about you
around the time we met

yes see, i had to think about you
twice every year.
that’s all what my sanity can take
perhaps a third will most likely
kill me.

No not death physically
but death emotionally
like 10 years ago…
remember that?!

it is your birthday today
do you care that i still remember?
do you know that i’m still alive?
i don’t even know if you’re still alive.
where are you?
are you dead?

this is not about me getting back to you
i’m way passed that.
this is me asking you why?
10 years
yet the deep empty hole
in the recesses of my heart never left.

you who broke my heart
you never answered my pathetic question.
why.
why?
why?!

your generosity is remarkable
your smell is unforgettable
your determination superb
your caring ways unrivaled.

your laugh is memorable
your cooking always exquisite
your patience notable
your stubborn ways matchless.

your love, priceless.

how can we live without you?
what’s a life without you?
must be truly unbearable.
can’t imagine. don’t wanna live without.

Happy mother’s Day with love and respect.

Related post: SHE

when fate isn’t on your side
when you lose all hope
when you question your very faith
when you’re beaten and bruised, and burned some more.

when you risk too far
when you fail one too many
when all the odds are against you
when you take it all in.

what is left of you?
what is there to live for?
oh please, you begged: kill me now
for you have been dead.

you’re dead inside
you’re done living
you’re giving up
how much worse can it get?

will we ever find redemption?
will we ever see the light?
there are no answers
there are no blueprints.

mark this day
november the 5th
today, i die for you
today, i die with you.

i can’t sail
and i can’t bail
if there’s only a rail
to follow thy trail.

my heart’s in ail,
think i need a round of ale
without thee
oh my world’s a pale.

can’t you see,
my passion’s not stale?
the depths,
it’s over hill and dale.

if there’s only a gale or
even a whale
to bring me to thee
in an exhale.

hail, if i can stop rhyming
words ending in ale and ail
lo, this is just to put into scale
how i think of thee
without fail.

-26 may 2006 ©

the sound of the waves
gently touching the shoreline,
the wind blowing softly
caressing willing bodies.
the feel of fine sands
on one’s feet,
the thousand stars
watching over…

the warm sea water seducing
wanting bodies,
why in the midst of all these,
without you,
it’s depressing more than exhilarating,
gloomy and sullen
more than pleasurable
what can one make happy in times such as this?
it’s not all those, no. not at all.

it’s being with you– period.

- 20 august 2005 ©

“I’ll call you,”That’s what you said
The Sunday we met,
So I waited and waited and waited.
Still you haven’t called

Whatever it is you’re doing,
Can’t you spare a minute
To give me a ring?

Tonight is Wednesday
And as I sit here anticipating,
Constantly praying
All of a sudden I know.

I can sit here now forever
And snivel altogether
Until the tears run salty on my cheeks
For all of a sudden I know.

I know what the stars have known
All the time.
You’ll never, never call…
Never.

-First appeared on Kist, literary journal. 1994 ©

“I’ll call you,” that’s what I said
The Sunday we met,
But each time I tried
My mind just fretted.

Every day I pick up the phone
To spare my minutes to call
But I am afraid I’d sound like a clown
And so I turn away.

Tonight is Wednesday
And as I sit here waiting,
Aching to call you
All of a sudden I know.

I can sit here now forever
And snivel altogether
Until the tears run salty on my cheeks
For all of a sudden I know.

I know what the stars have known
All the time.
I would have made that call
If only I had the courage.

- first appeared on Kist, literary journal. 1994 ©

- 20 june 2005 ©