Sinigang For The Soul » family affairs

Pitch black night + Herd of Cattle = Fender Bender

dmeemai — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 08:05:45 +0000

My brother-in-law in the UK was driving home late at night in rural Lanchester as he always does. The countryside road is dark; pitch black with no street lights. Everything’s quiet. Barely no other cars in sight. This was his normal route.

The ride didn’t turn out normal that eventful night over a week ago, he had a quick encounter with a herd of cattle who seemed to have come out of nowhere! A minor automobile accident followed. He hit at least 3 of the darned bovine animals and after slamming the brakes, was facing the other direction at the other side of the road.

My brother-in-law wasn’t hurt (thank heavens!) but still slightly bruised and stunned and couldn’t get to work for days. Their Toyota Rav 4 (with a personalized plate, my sister’s name: WENA!) was more or less done. This was the result:

The irony of it all, they had two cars and three days prior to the fender bender, they sold the other car. So when the Toyota Rav4 was towed away they were left with no car for days and my sis was forced to miss a day’s work and do car pooling for some days before finally getting a quick car replacement.

They had to pay the 500 pounds insurance deductible and after being told that it might get repaired, the insurance company ended up writing off the car as totaled. They got paid the full value of the car less the car loan. They now have extra money but my sis’ ‘dream car’ is gone forever…

The insurance company is going after the farmer who owns the cattle to claim for damages. My bro-in-law was diagnosed with a whiplash but looks like they’re nowhere near getting anything because the farmer is still unidentified.

I don’t know if there’s a lesson to be learned here other than accidents do happen. So what do we do? just take and expect it?? for in the end, no matter how careful we are- most often it’s not our own doing that gets us into trouble but other people’s or other forces such as these cows.

After all that, things are getting back to normal for the both of them in the UK. I have never been in an accident before and hope will never be in a situation like that minor or otherwise… (knock on wood!)

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Of Nostalgia and Life; Happy 18th Birthday Kid Sister!

dmeemai — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:06:45 +0000

Today our kid sister is officially 18 years old! Yes, I said kid. She’ll always be a kid to me though she is certainly more sensible than I am in a lot of ways! Our mom wanted to give her a party if not a grand debut. It is customary in the Philippines to officially present 18 year olds to society in the company of friends, relatives and family in a somewhat elaborate fashion: formal affair, big gowns, 18 roses and 18 candles ceremonies, the Cotillion, the first dance, big cake, lots of food, music and dancing- the works!

Funny, regardless if we approve of it or not, despite us becoming 18, our parents still gets the last say on a party after all they’re paying for it! Lucky for those who didn’t have to go through debuts! I remember my own debut, big hairdo, spray nets and all. I didn’t want it but our mom did! She said because our eldest sister had one, so should I. The same reason my third sis had her own debut.

Being in America changes everything. The fact that the entire family are practically scattered all around the globe makes it difficult to have a party where only 3 of the 6 can attend; the spouses, close relatives and friends can not witness it either. What is the point of doing a party sharing it with acquaintances? The fact that this is really not a good time for parties when we have a college savings fund to fill as well… add to the fact that our mom has now mellowed in her ways by letting us be our own persons and deciding for ourselves more freely; so when she said she wanted a debut for our youngest Inah and Inah exclaimed a big NO! That was the end of it to my relief and our mom’s quiet acceptance.

I’ve written a ‘testimonial’ of sort to our kid sister when she was sixteen. I’ve rewritten what I wrote, keeping some, adding more. This is a timeless gift of words from one sis to another!

Every time I talk about her I feel nostalgic. Every accomplishment no matter how small, every feat is a milestone. Being 18 in this time and age, in college, with her wit and intelligence intact is amazing!

A little while back she was just a cute, bubbly little pain in our necks- crying all night for milk or for extra cuddling; wanting to be carried around all day when she can walk; scribbling crayolas on all our bedroom walls; tearing things; breaking apart barbie dolls; insisting on wearing clothes of her own choice without regard on the occasion; won’t get off that coin-operated little pony rides in the malls; won’t eat anything but jollibee (Phils. answer to Mcdonald’s) kiddie meals!; dancing and prancing around to cheer us up. She plays with lipstick and makeup from our mom’s dresser, puts it on her dolls and on herself and denies she did even when her face is still smeared with colors and then gives a hearty laugh.

She starts to learn more words and begins to reason and argues with us; she sets up a little office where she appears to bury herself with paperwork daily. Like me and my mom, she loves paper and writing- there were really no words or sentences yet, only drawings and scribbles of her name, lines, circles and stick figures. She loves carrying a handbag like a briefcase with full of paper and artwork.

One time she called all of us to her ‘office’ and there we saw strings of her art works clipped with clothes clamps up for sale. Her gallery opening, she exclaimed proudly! She placed price tags on her works ranging from 25 cents to 10 pesos. The highest denomination she knew. It was a heartwarming moment for all us. We still have the artworks tucked away in our home in the Philippines.

She bursts out funny awkward truths about people only a 4 or 5 year old can get away with to our bewilderment. She asserts things for herself with innocent confidence and bravado that can melt ones heart! Her smiles alone can melt anyone’s heart.

Then we see her becoming a self-assured, independent little girl who at age 6, had to fly alone on board an airplane, only under a care of a stewardess and not a glimpse of anxiety in her!

And around that same time sadly celebrated her own birthday with only her nanny and a kind neighbor who remembered, came to celebrate with her with a small cake and a simple meal. That event hurt the rest of the family. It still pains me to this day, seeing her only photo that night, she was lighting her own candle on the cake- her eyes puffy from crying, still composed and strong.

I think that was the day she truly grew up beyond her age. We know in her childlike manner she resented us for that night but she understood. All of us were doing adult obligations we couldn’t get out of on that particular day, her 7th birthday- no family by her side. (I’m sorry, Ins. We’re still very sorry for not being there for you on that day…) We’ve made it up to her since that birthday yet it still breaks our hearts.

School started and she became really good at it without being pushed. She is smart, witty, attentive, funny and full of life! Even when she had an accident in school when she was 9, she would still show up in school with a smile on her face, though obviously in pain. She was playing one day with her classmates, climb someplace, reached the top, jumped and fell badly. She broke her right leg, undergone surgery and had to be put in cast for 2 months! Our dad literally carried her to her classroom, to her seat every day and did the same after school. Her nanny waiting outside the classroom to carry her around when necessary during the day. She never complained. She remained cheerful and positive.

No more mishaps after that thank heavens!

Time flies. Amidst the ups and downs, she’s still a pain in our necks, she’ll always be that in an endearing kind of way. It’s her way that we love and hate at the same time. She’s a highly charged individual with strong determinations.

What does being 18 mean? You can vote (You just missed it by a hair)! 18 means you can legally drive (without adult supervision) and can work without parental consent and can have some decision making rights BUT that doesn’t make you an adult adult! You still can’t legally drink alcohol and we insist on you know what!! You are slowly creating your reality, no longer a world of make believe.

It means that a long, scary fun ride in the journey of life starts right now. We believe you are fully equipped to take on any challenge life throws at you. We believe you are ready to face the real world when the time comes.

I wish you were still a kid. I wish you’d stop growing BUT you must…

Three things: Live your life responsibly with full trust in God. Respect people for who they are and heck, love your family all the way- for always! No reservations. no ifs, no buts. We got your back and we hope you got ours!

10th Photohunt Theme 132: “Family”

dmeemai — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 08:01:36 +0000

Family [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee]: noun the smallest unit in a society. no longer defined by blood in recent times, but metaphorically blood related by mere sense of belongingness and acceptance; sharing common goals, attitudes, and interests, living together or not. By that definition, I am a member of many families but for this theme, I’m sharing my own family, not by choice but related and bounded by genetics.

Yay, back in the days when…

my eldest sis will most likely not talk to me for posting this!! I mean c’mon, high waist jeans in tight belt?!! I’m not too happy in this pic either (far right)- being forced to pose and wear a stupid chiffon dress in fuchsia color at that!

Find more photo hunters at PhotoHunt

I feel sad whenever I look at this photo. This is the first and last decent photo of my family together in one occasion and my only copy is a lousy 4×6 size photograph. Our youngest Inah, was 6. She is now almost 18 years old… We sort of have lived apart many times in our lives back then, going back and forth from General Santos City, Davao City and Manila, but just within the Philippines.

Yet since 2000, it has gotten worse! In our desire to better each of our lives, we are now spread out across continents! My mom and youngest, in California. My second sister whom I have not seen in 8 years lives in United Kingdom!! Me in Massachusetts. Of recent, my dad, my eldest sis and her family are now living in Australia. My best friend is left in the Philippines.

The yearning of seeing each other physically is always there. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes… Nevertheless, my family together or not, strive to connect no matter what and we have never been closer! It could get expensive- exchanging care packages, sending text messages, calling long distance when skype’s not available!, sending email and postal letters, we manage somehow. We get by- making the years seem like months and the weeks just days…

Our next hope of a reunion is on 2012 for the London Summer Olympics! Our sis in the UK is hosting! That is still four years away, I will probably see either of my family or all of them within the next four years but on separate occasions- never in one place… It may very well take another four years or so before we get to be in one place again- but I am so excited; today, I begin my countdown to the London olympics!

Coming “Home.” Where Your Heart is…

dmeemai — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:48:52 +0000

I have so many places I call home. There’s the cliche old adage that says “home is where the heart is” that rings true for me and for most people.

It is a paradox that majority of the Filipinos who would do anything to immigrate to other nations, immerse themselves in that culture for years, could live in the country of their choice anywhere in the world thereafter, would in the end desire and choose to be back ‘home’ in the Philippines in the remainder of their lives. In the back of my mind, that’s exactly where I want to be… Someday.

Having lived in the United States for years, I still hear myself saying “back home in the Philippines…” whenever I refer the Philippines in a conversation. There is that constant desire to be back ‘home’. Perhaps no matter how long I live abroad, I will always call the Philippines, specifically Davao and General Santos City, home because that’s where a big part of my heart is.

Where my family is, is home to me as well. Since my entire family is now scattered all across the globe, I just added more ‘homes’ to call!

Yet there is only one home where I feel truly pampered, secure and nestled– where my mom is! Western culture will probably not understand the strong connection we from the East have with family and mothers but it is there. That is why sons and daughters continue to live in their parents home for as long as they are single (regardless of age) and even when they already have their own family (kids and all), because we simply can not cut the proverbial ‘umbilical cord’ that ties us with them.

It is not for practical reasons as the trend now in the United States, where kids go back in their parents home after college because living on their own has just gotten too expensive. It is more emotional than financial (although it sure eases that aspect!)

I (intentionally?) live far from my mother- about three thousand miles far! East and West far. She in California and me in Massachusetts. The setup works because it keeps our volatile ‘mood swings’ and varying incompatible opinions from colliding!

Being away from her has many pleasures yet I always yearn to be home with her. There’s nothing like coming home, where my heart is- to be with her, even for a short time especially that of late, our relationship have really changed dramatically for the better.

My last two visits including this one have been really pleasant and wonderful. (Yes, I am in California!) We’re no longer fighting or shouting at each other, just arguing a few in soft voices and then we’re ok.

More and more I appreciate her presence in my life and how lucky and blessed my sisters and I are to have her for a mother- forgiving, self-sacrificing, selfless and all loving without conditions, no ifs and buts. I’ve never really understood all that she was, growing up. I’m more blessed for second chances, given time to amend things and make life between us, a little bit ‘perfect’ if we could even reach that state!

I have many “homes.” I have many places where my heart is, but nothing, nothing brings me so much warmth than coming home to where my mother is wherever she may be in the world…

Our Youngest Sister is Going to College! Here’s Looking at You Kid!!

dmeemai — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:17:41 +0000

I can’t talk about my sister without having to give you sort of a background about my family. This is kind of a personal post so bear with me as I reflect on this part of my life.

I come from a family of four siblings- all girls. I was a middle child for 16 years until our youngest, Inah came along. The four of us, we are bonded like glue! We stick together as sisters and bond together like best friends do. Separately, we each share a special relationship with one another.

I have a huge respect and deep affection for my eldest sister who is 3 years older than me. She is an amazing woman! I find solace and comfort when I’m around my third sister, like being in the presence of greatness. She’s 4 years younger but I seek her wisdom and value her opinion like she’s the adult. She’s one of the very few real people I admire the most!

My bonding with my youngest sister is quite extraordinary. The fact that she was a ‘menopausal baby’ and my mom’s OB warned us of certain risks that went with conceiving one, made her very special to us from day one. I was in first year college. The first time the family laid eyes on her at the nursery, we were smitten! (She had to be left behind the hospital for a week for observation while my mom was discharged 3 days later I recall.) I voluntarily and wholeheartedly took care of her since then. I along with my two sis practically stole took Inah away from our mom!

The three of us were studying and living in Davao City, Philippines while our parents stayed in our hometown, General Santos (GenSan)- a six-hour round trip drive! My mom delivered Inah in Davao and she and my dad stayed with us for a few months. When it was time for them to leave, we begged and begged to have Inah stay with us, with the promise that we would visit GenSan every week so they could see her! We were using every tactic and angle and justification why we should take care of our little angel! It worked because my mom and dad with a heavy heart, agreed.

So goes our journey being three ‘responsible’ teenagers and a baby!!

We would literally rush home every chance we get, and I for one cut the most classes just so I could spend more alone time with her than my two other sisters! I was the one to spoil her the most too! Our whole world revolved around her! We carry her wherever we went! Inah was in every single one of our school outings and activities. Our batchmates could attest to it. Our classmates know her and at some point played ‘nanny’ to her! They all saw how she grew up! This set-up went on my entire college years! Inah even started her Nursery schooling in Davao! But she was like in GenSan this week, Davao the next or my parents would stay with us every few weeks or so. When our parents don’t bring her back for a week, we would all go to GenSan to pick her up and reprimand our mom! Haha!

Fast track to today

She is turning 18 soon! (And I’m getting old!!) Inah is such a special kid, a very well-rounded person. Beautiful inside and out although you surely don’t want to see her rebellious, “angry at the world” side! Unfortunately, I am such a huge influence in her life that even my nasty, dark side- she seem to have adopted so effortlessly to my horror and reproach! I would often defend her when my mom calls me to complain about her ‘unbecoming’ behavior as she would put it. She has threatened to send Inah back to the Philippines numerous times but we all knew, my mom knew in her heart- she couldn’t do that.

I tirelessly say consider herself still lucky under the circumstances! I’d say majority of teenagers in America today are arrogant, selfish, narcissistic, ruthless, no respect for authority, no sensibility and no moral values at all! They all have it easy and they’re all spoiled rotten! It’s a scary thought that these very kids are the ones whose going to lead America in the next decade or so.

In contrast, Inah’s stubbornness to speak her mind and opinion to which my mom construes as disrespectful is my mom’s only baggage! She doesn’t have to deal with a daughter who has slept with the entire football team, or a teenager who is too young to drink and smoke yet come home drunk and wasted every night. She doesn’t have to worry that she has a teenage daughter drinking and driving! She doesn’t have to deal with blasting music in Inah’s room, having friends over and vandalize the entire house, being part of a gang, tattoos, piercings, drugs, untimely pregnancy, alcohol and whatever else! She won’t have to worry that her teenager could just one day go home and decide for himself that he’s dropping out of high school because it’s not fun anymore(!) or a Senior kid having to say, she’s not going to college period. She doesn’t have to deal with a kid who doesn’t have a plan, whose greatest ambition is to work in a video store as clerk so he could watch all the movies he want, or become a crew at a fast food chain and live with the parents as a bum until the age of 40!

My sister is a consistent honor student since grade school, active in both extra curricular and academic activities. She immigrated to the US in October 2005 to be with my mom. She was entering second year in High School in America and from the very beginning impressed her school with the way she carried herself; how she bested other students in the academics and her command of the English language. (Just goes to show that the good schools in the Philippines are as competitive and as topnotch if not even better than some of America’s schools! We can blow them away!!).

She received a nomination to become one of the Ambassadors of People to People Program last year which we rallied for help that eventually led her to visit Australia for 20 days! She was a member of Link Crew, a coveted highly successful program in place in high schools all over the U.S. “The program operates by organizing a group of selected campus leaders–seniors and juniors–who act as mentors and positive role models for freshmen students.” She graduated with honors in her Senior year (Look for Encarnado on the list). Outside school, she is a Catechist teaching grade school kids, Religion. She is an officer in a Youth group and a member in the Sinag-tala theater and performing arts group in Sacramento, CA.

Not once did we pressure or push her to excel at any given point since she started schooling. She did it on her own making it a sweeter feat. What more can you ask for to a teenager?!

Going to College

My sister has a plan. A big one in fact. She wants to be a doctor saving lives in pediatrics. When I first heard her say it, I virtually saw dollar signs at the top of my head and I thought the room was spinning around me. I needed Excedrin. But I didn’t say anything and in fact exclaimed my joy!

The entire family agreed, she should go to college. Is that even questioned right? You may be surprised. Going to college is such a big deal here and even just to graduate High School is in itself a BIG accomplishment because many kids opt to drop out of HS for various reasons and still a good number won’t even go to College. In the US, kids rule especially when they reach 18. They are no longer yours but they become their own persons- YET would still want your wallet most of the time! Here, the common question among Senior students is, “are you going to college?” In the Philippines, it is not a matter of question. Rich or poor, one MUST go to college, by hook or by crook and the Seniors there would ask each other, “which college are you going to?” or “what course are you taking up in college?”

Our ‘Calvary’ is yet to begin as we are grimly looking at a fifteen thousand US dollars (PHP700,000) per year expense for my sister’s education over the next 8-10 years!!!! Add a couple of thousand dollars there per year for inflation and multiply to 10 years, that’s what we are looking at in this very huge, great expensive dream! An expense which we as a family will be seeing at in loans and debts long after she has graduated…

On a different note, Inah is taller than me now, has uncanny fashion sense- a trendsetter. She knows about beauty and fashion more than I have ever had. She has ‘tools’ she uses for her face I’ve never seen! She’s starting to drive around town on her own(!) and she has a (decent!) boyfriend!! She’s going to live in a dormitory in Los Angeles, 7-hours away from where our mom is this school year! She is growing, I tell you. And I’m just getting old… Sigh.

But she will always be my Inah Banana. Our Inah-bans, endearing names we call her as a child. I think of her and I only see a cutesy little girl singing and dancing for us! I think about how she would grab my legs for attention. How “clingy” she was and wouldn’t walk because she just wants to be carried and held! I think about how she looks admiringly at each of us, her family with utter amazement and adoration! I think about her tiny loving arms wrapped around me as she whispers “I love you Ate Meemai.” Sometimes I wish I could just freeze moments of her childhood and unfreeze when I want and freeze it again!

We can never foretell what’s ahead but she has a goal she has set for herself and that’s enough for us her family to become believers of her. She has never let us down before there is no reason not to support her. There is not a shadow of doubt in my mind that she will reach that dream and we will be there when it happens… hopefully still standing to enjoy it all.

Here’s looking at You kid!!

4th PhotoHunt Theme 123: “Colorful”

dmeemai — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 07:03:29 +0000

Beloved characters come alive in all shapes, sizes and hues. They all get together in colorful dreamland theme parks, in this case- Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida! Sometimes dreams do come true!!

Pinocchio and his creator, Geppetto on the float, not sure who the characters are on the foreground, any idea? Could one be Mr. Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood??

Find more photo hunters at PhotoHunt

He

dmeemai — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:53:23 +0000

Also wrote: She

I’m an easy prey to ‘abuse.’ I’m not talking about physical or anything like that, but being taken advantaged of because I’m too trusting and tend to believe on the innate goodness of every person I meet. BUT I’m not going to talk about that oddity or is that idiocy?! I’m going to talk about a man whom I completely and fully trust with my life. One man who is innately good in every way and there is only one man ever!

I’ve known him for 34 years. He’s your perfect guy (almost!). He is handsome, God-fearing, sensitive, intelligent, caring, patient, thoughtful, funny, stubborn, adamant even! He knows when to talk and when to listen. He’d hear your stories no matter how boring or how many times you’ve told him. He offers to drive you anywhere, even just around the corner to satisfy a balot (unhatched duck egg; yes I eat that!) craving. He’d patiently wait for you while you shop in the girls/women’s section til the store closes! He’s at your every school activity, even volunteering to join a committee just to please you. He knows all your cuts and bruises and mends them while scolding you for getting them in the first place! He picks up your friends regardless of distance from each house and takes each one of them back home too! He introduced you to hobbies like stamp collecting and writing or catching butterflies and preserving them. He bought you your first bicycle. He taught you how to ride them. He bought you your first atari when it first came out (never mind if you had to cry and wail for it!). Bought you your first Tretorn in the then famous imported shoe-haven Cartimar in Manila (this was the 80′s!) (…and with the same crying effect!).

…He is handsome, God-fearing, sensitive, intelligent, caring, patient, thoughtful, funny, rude and stubborn, adamant even! He knows when to talk and when to listen…

He takes you to the beach. He takes you travelling to great places! He taught you how to drive and how to drive carefully! He appreciates and encourages your passions. Your triumphs are his and your woes and worries are his to carry as well. You can always count on him for anything and I mean anything. He supports you through and through whichever side of the fence you are. Above all, zero vices! He doesn’t smoke, drink or gamble.

His only flaw is that in most cases he is a passivist. In a fight or flight response, he’d more likely to hide than fight. There were trials when we needed for him to stand up and he was helpless. Mom, strong and composed as ever, pulled us out through the storms. He didn’t want changes. He didn’t want to leave his comfort zone. He is vulnerable and powerless when confronted with tribulations. Then again for all that he is, what he has given to me, my mom and my sisters, how he influenced and shaped our lives to be better- somehow more than makes up for that soft character. He has proven his love for all of of us and is proving it time after time. We couldn’t ask for a better man!

I sure do love this guy! I’m not his favorite (I think?! ha!) but he’s got so much love to give to all of us that it doesn’t even mean that he loves me less and it doesn’t really matter! We all have our favorites, you’d have to respect that. Through all my angry years with my mom, he’s been there. I have been a difficult child to raise, I admit that. He (along with my mom and sisters) has put up with my idiosyncrasies and eccentricities all these years! I’m proud of him and am proud to be his daughter. He’ll always have that spot in my heart that no one can ever fill. I love him oh so dearly and I make sure he knows it! And if he happens to come across this post, here’s to you dad: “You have my love, trust and respect for always! Happy Father’s Day! I couldn’t have asked for a better father…” © 2008

Note: This first appeared on my First blog in June 2005. I reaffirm it to this day and everyday of my life.

Acclamations

dmeemai — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 07:13:00 +0000

ONE OF THE BEST poems ever written in my book is “Funeral Blues” from Wynstan Hugh Auden. He won the Pulitzer Prize in 1948 for poetry for his book “Age of Anxiety.” This was the poem we all cried over in the film Four Weddings and a Funeral, and yes, he was gay.

Funeral Blues
by W.H. Auden Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policeman wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out everyone
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

I get teary-eyed every time I read the poem. Poignant, searing, haunting; It’s like a knife piercing into your heart. Ok, I’m being melodramatic but that kind of pain, that kind of emotions can only come from somebody who truly loved.

It’s All Soul’s Day so I still get to talk morbid! My wish is that my family would read this to me on my funeral. I hope I deserve it anyway. I hope they’d read it not because I requested it but because that’s exactly how they’d feel when I’m gone. Let this be part of my living will. Hey it’s my death, am entitled. I want to be part of the planning!

While am on the subject, I want all the works in my funeral- not elaborate but meaningful… I want to see white everywhere. White clothing, white balloons, white flowers, white doves! I want the mood to be a little sad yet festive. NO long sermons but there should be a eulogy done in the cemetery. C’mmon, there must be some things I did right and some good deeds I’ve made! So a eulogy or two from members of my family and perhaps from two close friends should do well. No matter where in the world I’d be, I want all my friends to be there, all the people I’ve come across with- past and present. Is that too much to ask coming from a dead friend??

A must music should include: Des’ree’s You Gotta Be, Boys II Men and Mariah Carey’s One Sweet Day, Kavana’s Will You Wait For Me, Norah Jones’ Come Away With Me, Dido’s Thank You, Alanis Morissette’s You Learn and Sarah Mclachlan’s songs. There should be a live band singing those songs in church or fine, I’ll settle for an acoustic ensemble. If you can do away please, with religious songs like “Hindi Kita Malilimutan” (I will never forget you) or really, really sad tagalog (Filipino) songs. I forgot what they are but they’re the ones almost always played in Filipino funerals where the loved ones, so overwhelmed with grief that they want to literally jump on the dug grave and join their dead beloved. I swear it’s those sad songs that make them want to do that! Now, I don’t want to hear those, OK?

There should be a party after, with some great music playing throughout the night. Music from the albums of Everything But the Girl, Workshy, Style Council, Gin Blossoms, Dishwalla, Sister Hazel, Swing Out Sister, U2, Beatles, Julia Fordham. Some House music would be nice. Most 80′s classic songs! Some 90′s dance songs like Life, Hey, Better than You, Give Me A little More Time, I’ll be Missing You, If You Could Read my Mind, Love You down, The Real Thing, The Best Things, Do You Believe in me- go ahead, play them! Maybe I’ll live to be a hundred- now those songs would perhaps sound really weird for my children and grandchildren. But that would be a nice subject to talk about by itself. Should I die young, then everybody else should be able to relate with the music.

Serendipity!

dmeemai — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 04:53:00 +0000

SERENDIPITY IS AMONG MY FAVORITE WORDS! They’re high sounding and pleasing to the ear. I like how your lips touch when you say seren-DIP-ity and put a stress on the -ity. The very word sounds active, alive and expressive! It’s meaning is even better. Dictionary says, it is the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident; an instance of making such a discovery; good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries.

I feel blessed for all my serendipities. My chanced unexpected meetings and discoveries of people and places in my life. In the internet alone, I’ve met some interesting, real nice people. I’ve gained new friends through this blog. Without it (the blog) I wouldn’t have known them! You get a letter, a note, a comment every so often and it just makes your day! Finding yourself in a crowded place and seeing a warm smile across the room then that’s enough to start a conversation. Being in a place totally new to you and discovering how it would turn out to be one of the best places you’ve ever been. Serendipity!

But one of my greatest discoveries is rediscovering my friend from way back–in grade school! She was my classmate from kindergarten to sixth grade. We were close on those amazon years- a time when you didn’t need expensive toys to play. Simple thrills were enough to make your adrenalines pumping. No computer or video games, no gadgets, no funky game boards. She was my playmate in tumba-lata or tumbang preso (hitting a used empty can using one’s flipflops or a flat stone), piko (hop- scotch; step-no kind of game), shatong (a game of 2 sticks where you hit the shorter stick placed on a shallow hole with the longer stick), bagoong-ngay (anybody remember how this is played? for the life of me i can’t remember anymore!), patintero (two teams divided where one team runs and the other team tags), taguan (hide and seek), bulan-bulan (running around inside a big circle until the player outside of that circle tags one on the inside), step-no, chinese garter (a long garter or set of tied rubber bands stretched out and one jumps on it and the level of the garter gets higher each jump), chinese jackstone (one bounces a ball while picking up 10 triangular-thingy one by one, played with a lot of variations and techniques) and whatever other silly names we call our games then. (I wonder if kids today still play and call it that! OR do they even know these games?! I grew up with these games and loved it!). We played at the end of each school day with other classmates.

We did most things together sharing the same interests. We were part of the dance troop. We were both girl scouts. We had snacks and lunches together with other friends. Our last names being close, we always sat in proximity as we were arranged alphabetically in class. We shared assignments and perhaps at some points, shared answers in quizzes and tests! We were on the same group in ‘cleaner’s day’. She went to my birthday parties, I went to hers. We had petty quarrels when we wouldn’t talk to each other for days but then we always find a way and made up.

Despite the closeness, we just lost contact after graduation in sixth grade. She remained in our alma mater to finish high school and college in GenSan while I went to Manila and Davao for my schooling. So our lives went on. All those years counting ’86, we never saw each other. Our grade school friendship buried deep in our memories.

As fate would have it, our paths crossed again in 1999. I met her for the first time in our hometown General Santos (Gensan), after 13 years. The meeting was casual, very odd for two people who considered themselves great buddies in elementary school. After my stint working for a Japanese publication in Tokyo and Manila, I was back in my homestead on a respite. Of all the places to meet, I met her at an internet shop I frequent. As it turned out, she was friends with the owner. AND she lived literally 3 houses away from where the shop was! I was totally clueless! How could have I forgotten the street I used to go to a lot in grade school?!

…She is my alter ego, my partner in crime, my shock absorber, my “twin” sister, my adviser, my alarm clock, my handkerchief when I cry, my ‘resting place’,one of my sinigangs!

The time she walked in the shop, I was so wrapped up in front of the computer that I was just oblivious of my surrounding. She saw me first. She could have tapped my shoulder or called my name- my full name at that or both! Goodness, gracious! That made me jump off my seat, nobody calls me by my full name in public! It has to be someone from my past calling me! And there she stood, eagerly excited and obviously happy to ran into me. And there I was, mumbling some impersonal hi’s and hello’s. Going from glancing to her and glued back in front of the monitor (hey, I was minding my Php75.00/hour internet rate!) She was doing all the talking in her all too perfect tagalog which struck me because everyone else speaks visayan there or tagalog- the visayan way (it is a tagalog spoken dialect with a lot of visayan interjections or vice versa. Gets?) She candidly gave me her contact info and I said thanks. Then she asks for my number and I quipped in the vernacular- “oh, it’s listed in the directory- go find it yourself.” That changed her facial expression from happy to somewhat disgusted! Hey! I told you I was focused on the computer! So she left. I continued on with my surfing like nothing happened.

A week later, my computer broke down and I figured it was time for an upgrade so I can have my own internet connections at home as well. I was going over the telephone directory on where to bring my CPU. Aha! I remembered. She manages a computer shop! Perfect! I contacted her and she was almost giving me a hard time, meeting terms with my unit and all. She was getting even! Which serves me right anyway, after how I treated her at the internet shop. If I was her, I wouldn’t be entertaining me at all as a customer. Nonetheless, she was gonna make a sale so we met half way. That was the start of a renewed friendship.

The continuous security threats in the city at that time forced a lot of establishments to close down. Her shop included. I invited her to work with me on my family’s food business as I decided to stay in General Santos for a little bit longer. She joined the team! We moved on to open our very own business project in 2001. A restobar at the heart of Gensan. The business was flourishing and so was our friendship. We were inseparable since. I found my way into the United States in 2004. She is left back home taking care of our small business. Even at 13,000 miles- we text message, chat, talk over the phone and write emails. Stronger than ever. Our business, with God’s blessings, is as solid as our friendship and celebrating its 6th year!

She is my alter ego, my partner in crime, sometimes playing ‘devil’s advocate’ but most times my angel in disguise. She taught me a lot in life. I have only theories, she teaches me life. She’s my sparring partner, my shock absorber, my psychotherapist, my business partner, my “twin” sister, my adviser, my alarm clock, my handkerchief when I cry, my ‘resting place’, one of my sinigangs! my stress-reliever, my stress-inducer, my textmate, my IM buddy, my comfort shoes… the list goes on. Bottom line is, she epitomizes all my favorites in life. It sounds cliche but it’s hard to imagine my life without her in it.

note: photos lifted from notre dame of dadiangas for girls yearbook, class of 1980.

She

dmeemai — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 07:47:00 +0000

My relationship with her has always been that of love-hate. I love her the most when we’re not talking or when we’re apart. I love her when she’s away or when I’m away. As long as I don’t see her or talk to her, I love her. It’s almost impossible for us to stay in one room without us having a fight. Our conversation kicks off okay but moments later, we’ll be discussing points then arguing then fighting then ending up not talking altogether for days… Those are my youthful recollection with her in my life.

She was 26 years old when I was born. She was just starting a career in the food business and was she enterprising! Her whole world revolved around the business. She worked ludicrous hours, performed tasks for what could be done by three or five people at one time, laboured like there was no tomorrow. She was unstoppable. She made night, day and worked some more in the wee hours of the night. I didn’t ever see her asleep!

She’s always working 24/7 it seems. And though it paid off, she lost me and my sisters in the process, me especially. My memories of my childhood are somewhat vague to me. Much as I try hard to recall, I could only come up with snippets of it. Perhaps I’m repressing it or unconsciously trying to forget that part of my life. Not that I had a completely messed up childhood. For the most part, I lived in a happy, loving, comfortable home but it’s something I’d rather not recall. She was never on it anyway. So what was there to remember?

I do remember that I was mischievous, naughty and rebellious as a kid. I had my share of corporal punishments- alot! But that’s not why I was angry at the world and taking it against her. I was mad because I never felt truly loved as a child. I was always craving for attention. It was the classic middle child syndrome. I felt I wasn’t always good-enough. My eldest sister was the responsible one. She was graceful, pretty and she had the fairer skin and nice, curly hair. My younger sister was the center of attention for she was the baby. She was cute, sweet, adorable and very smart! As for me, I was dark, short, average and anything but graceful! The result? I tried to lived up to how they saw me. I was seen as the female version of Dennis the menace so I gave them problems! It was easy to be bad. (It still is easy now! Ha!)

When I was 12, I joined my eldest sister in Manila for High School. That was just to get away from her as far as possible. Together we tried living responsibly as teenagers in the ‘big’ city. We stayed for four years in Manila and only visited our hometown, General Santos on summer time. Even then, I couldn’t befriend her. I would annoy her on end and rebel against anything she says. I always looked at her as THE enemy. I blamed her for all the bad memories of my youth.

After graduating High School, I was bored sick of Manila so I joined my eldest sister, this time in Davao City for college. My eldest sister, she too was trying to stay away from her as far as possible. Not that far in this case, as Davao City is only a two and a half hours drive from our hometown. However, this meant that she was much closer to commute to and fro and makes it easy for her to visit us almost every weekend. I despised the whole idea. Still, I played along. It was in college that she started making ammends for the lost years. I thought she was pushing her luck. By this time, my emotions were stoned when it came to her. I resist showing any affection and if I did, it was forced. I still respect the person nonetheless, huge respect for what she has accomplished in her life. That was it.

After college, I thought that the best place to find the best opportunity for a career is in Manila. So, my sister and I went back to find our chance there. We did find it and again we were separated from her. All my life’s objective it seemed have been trying to avoid her presence. Anywhere but with her seemed like the best place to be. Nevertheless, as fate would have it, I found myself back in my hometown after a short desktop publishing stint in Tokyo, Japan and almost two years of working in Manila. I came back with a deep need of being home. So I was there, after 12 years of ‘running away,’ I was home.

The reunion was everything but sweet. All my youthful anger came back to haunt me and I was at her again, doing what I do best- making her life miserable! I thought she made my life miserable back then, so it’s payback time! We fought endlessly. We never agreed on anything. We could not talk for even five minutes without pushing each other’s wits. I thought it was useless being there. We were hurting each other like crazy. I was filled with remorse but then I do it again. I almost intentionally would say things just to hurt her. I didn’t know what to do. No matter how many times I’ve tried making up with her, it doesn’t seem to work. I’ve been on her prayers everyday for the last 19 years. She’s probably praying that whatever evilness has struck me, I would soon snap out of it!

Then one day, it happened. We were having one of our fights. We were shouting at the top of our lungs. We were relentless! We were exhausted. The next thing we knew we were crying hard and hugging and forgiving each other and just loving. For once there was peace in our home, and in our hearts…

The thing is, I love her more than anything and anyone in the world! She has her flaws. She was never perfect but neither was I. For all her imperfections there was beauty, dignity, courage, determination, resilience, compassion in her that was unmistakably hers.

For years, I have wanted her to be the best for me. Blamed her for things I did on my own. Shame on me! Not once did I think, have I been giving her and showing her the best of me??! I should have but I never did! The best thing about this realization is that, it’s never too late! She never gave up and she never turned her back on me. She has always welcomed me back with open arms everytime I come back to her. No questions asked.

She left for the States in 2000. I followed her in 2004. We don’t live in the same State. I am over 2000 miles away from her. I saw her four times since I came here and I still fought with her on that four times I visited and I still fight with her over the phone whenever we talk. I just don’t get along with her. Maybe, the relationship has to be that way for it to work. Love-hate- there is such a thing.

I REALLY, TRULY, DEEPLY LOVE her. You think there is a happy ending to this? I’m working on it. Everyday, I’m still a work in progress…

You know who I’m talking about here, don’t you? You too have her around the house. Everybody’s got one! You grew up with her. She may be a ‘pain’ at times but you have to admit, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to your life and she’s the best person you know. She, her, our mom, mama, mum, ima, ina, mommy- mother.©